Train

The train of mistrust

the only thing you can trust 

is the fall and the vertigo

and lateness.

Empty breathing train 

crowds of people inside

no faces 

no names

all husks

just like you.

The twisting train

mirrored door 

on each end of hallway

(or is it endless?)

(please don't let it be endless.)

It twists in loneliness

it can't be derailed or stopped

it breathes

and undulates

and stays the same

falling 

all-seeing train  cutting the sky.

The train is static.

All the world moves around it.

It stays the same with all faceless husks

and you wearing someone else's face.

You want to see one person with a face

angry while resting

angry while smiling

beautiful

her own.

But the train elongates

and her home is nowhere near the tracks. 

You stand up and you walk

in the endless corridor.

The doors are hard to move.

The train of mistrust,

no face to trust,

and you walk by the old men

seeing and judging

all two and a half century old

all judged back.

The train of mistrust

no one to trust

grinds to a halt

a break for window

she waits for you.

 

Stop.

Fall and happy little tree

CW: mental illness, death mention, solipsism, 2nd person pov, repetition

honestly it's just a vent in a more artistic form

I call upon thee from the abyss

Dear… whoever sees this, really.

I have been trying to find someone, anyone who would reply back. Who would understand. Who would maybe not help, but at least provide reassurance. 

It's been five years already, and I think that despite many connections, the web is empty after all. 

Yeah, I know, I know. Hacking a blog of a mediocre, forgettable writer will not help my case and spam filters are against me, but I have to tell about it. I have to, otherwise it will eat me alive. 

I am tired of saying who the hell am I, but for the last time before I give up completely… 

I am Veronica, a gnostic magician and I just found a power that is from the outside. I don't know what that is but it has been whispering to me. I think that two worlds are merging and it will all become a roiling chaos soon. What do you think those are? If you know, or at least have a speculation which ones, please tell me.

If you want to hear my story and step into my little world of doubt and uncertainty, please reply. If you want to write your own story, I will listen and give unhelpful advice if you ask for it. Also if there is something, anything that would make you uncomfortable if I wrote about it, please, please bring it up. I am not omniscient, and I am apparently not a whole world anymore.

I'd have forgotten to give my address. It's spider-occultae@wp.pl and even if you want to only get messages with my story, (I tend to be a quite unreliable narrator, sorry), write even one letter back. And I mean one character. 

From the abyss I call upon you,

Veronica.