Starry Sky

The Arcana fanfic. I don't own the game, I own the story. Nadia X Apprentice, written in 3 days, no beta, read at your own discretion

The scabs were healing and the scars began to slowly fade. Nadia made sure of that.

Another meeting with Valerius has caused another wave of stress and exhaustion. Hiding was the best option, but unavailable. Nadia wasn't the one for constant hugs and I really didn't want to annoy her. 

Those are my emotions. I have to deal with them. 

I was writing again, my handwriting filling up a notebook. I couldn't stop. I needed to do something other than playing with my hair. I imagined all scenarios between me and my beloved. 

I knew she loved me too but the fact that I knew and feel that didn’t make my everyday anxieties lesser.

I wrote another set of run-on sentences. Not really a poem, there was little to no structure. The only thing tying sentences together was a thin strand of innuendo running through it all.

Nadia didn't notice my lack of focus. I didn't have any more work to do for the day. My dominant hand drifted to my face, relieving some of the tension. After a while I saw Nadia stand up and walk up to me.

"What do you think you are doing?" She took my hand off my face. 

I blushed. She took both of my wrists and examined my palms and fingertips. 

"You were about to scratch yourself again."

"Sorry." I felt myself tense more. I thought it was impossible early but even I don't know the limits.

"There's nothing to be sorry for. I don't like seeing you hurting or bleeding, is all. Do you want to talk about it?"

"Uh…"

"I understand that it's a heavy topic and you may not be ready."

"How long, Nadi?"

"What 'how long'?"

"How long did you know?"

"You already had a scratch when I have seen you for the first time. And I thought it was something not self-inflicted until I had a way to see you in day-to-day life."

"You tried to explain it by what then?"

"Clumsiness. Maybe a cat, but then, Asra only likes snakes. And none of them looked post-fight. I worry about you. And I would like to help you."

"I don't know how to control it. I get itches and I want to scratch them. It's a compulsion. And if I get stressed out or excited, I need to touch something. And it usually is my face or my neck."

I felt shameful. She still held my wrists.

"Do you want to seek help for that?" 

"I… I'd like to, someday. Not now, I know that for sure. I am worrying about how it will go. Please, don't think of me badly. I just don't want to be a burden."

My heart clenched. I was overwhelmed. Dizzy. My stomach hurt slightly. Odd, I manage my stress well enough not to reach that stage anymore.

Nadia started to rub circles onto my palms. 

"Love, you'll never be one. Just breathe for now. It's okay to be frustrated, it's human."

She crouched near me, still trying to soothe me. My head was spinning and my heart was racing. I felt bad for worrying her. I felt bad for making her see me like that. I wanted to disappear. 

Nadia still looked at me with her warm garnet-coloured eyes. 

"Am I stressing you out?"

"No!" I said a little too forcefully and winced. "Sorry. Didn't mean to be loud."

She let go of my hands. I put my non-dominant hand on my collarbone and my fingers found themselves in a perfect place which needed touch. My touch or maybe hers. Scarves that I used to remedy that in the past were only making matters worse. 

I wanted to run away into the safety of bedroom. I took the notebook with me and came back to writing. But whenever I came to Nadia's topic… 

My mind was drawing a blank. So I wrote about blankness, mixing with what I would like to experiment with. I wrote about ropes. About freeing self from binding using talons sharp as knives. And about being tied helplessly at her mercy, poetically and with as much innuendo that could slip under a radar as possible. 

I fell asleep. The last thing I remember is a notebook before my eyes, open at one of my 'poems'. Not that rare of an occurrence. Asra always made fun of me because of that. But it was the first time it happened in the castle.

When I awoke, Nadia was reading the notebook. I was still exhausted but wanted to move forward with the day. 

"Mhmmm… Nadia."

"Good morning, love. Or rather good afternoon."

Great. I won't be able to do everything I need to today because I slept in.

I was still groggy.

"I like your way with words. The poems are interesting, although I can't help but think one of the meanings is slipping away from me. It's all the same one in every one of them."

"Read closely. Or don't. I am exhausted."

I put a pillow over my head for a while. I needed some coldness to become awake. It was so bright, how did I wake up so late?

"The newest four though. There is the same imagery as everywhere else but it suddenly got more vivid."

"I was experimenting."

"And that's good."

"I am awful at speaking my mind, even when I am writing. I can't even articulate my wants and needs properly now that I can't do everything on my own. But I think some of them were clearer in the two newest ones. I am learning."

I tried to stand up, but slender fingers held my wrist. I knew the look on Nadia's face. She had an idea and I was not going to like it at all… or like it way too much. Most likely the first one.

"Ah, ah, ah! You are getting two days off, my love."

"I shouldn't, I have work to do, I…"

She put a finger on my lips.

"Shh… Two days. Not counting today. It's late afternoon. You needed this break."

I lost a whole day and still was zapped of almost all energy. But I needed to go back to work, really. 

"Do you want anything? Something to eat or drink?"

I felt myself go slightly numb. I wasn't the one to make decisions. If I was in my kitchen, I would just pick whatever was there. Or nothing if I didn't feel like eating after all. If I had an option now, I would just go and make whatever Nadia wanted. 

"Uh…" The words were stuck. "I have no idea."

"We aren't in a rush."

"Are you hungry, Nadi?"

"No, I have eaten not so long ago. You have to make your own decision. You just said you are bad at articulating what you want so I am going to help you learn that, my dear."

I felt myself blanking out. I knew I wanted some tea. And didn't want anything sweet. If I could just get ingredients and make myself something without overthinking.

My nose was itchy. The left side of my neck had a scab I wanted to pick badly. This was my personal hell. As a court magician and not yet a lover of the countess everything was almost automatic. No overthinking. No unnecessary words. I wanted pumpkin bread? I got pumpkin bread, on my own. Now I was stuck with my love in way too comfortable bed for me, with no way to get out other than starting speaking. And I know damn well that after waking up I speak even less than Muriel. I am just unable to.I laid down, Nadia's hand still holding my wrist.

"Nadia…" I groaned.

"What, my love?"

"Am I annoying you now?" 

"No, not at all."

"Because I am annoying myself now. May I hug your arm, Nadia?"

My love beamed.

"Of course."

So I hugged her. She was almost fully static, not even a trace of movement other than soft breathing. I… It felt nice but odd. I nuzzled to her arm like a little kitten to owner's palm. Without the scratching and biting part afterwards. Dogs and snakes were much better than cats.

"I don't want to do anything you don't want me to do so you have to be direct, love. I am not a mind reader."

I let go of her arm. I slumped in the bed. I felt a little feverish and when I touched my cheeks with the back of my hand they were indeed a bit warm.

"Am I sick?" I mumbled.

"Probably you just need some more rest." Nadia responded. "You were overtired yesterday. Maybe you couldn’t deal with the stress anymore? Only what is making you feel so unwell, I wonder."

We were silent again. She studied the poems intently.

"What did you eat today for breakfast, my love?" I asked her.

"I don't remember. I may have skipped it while worrying about your health. I may have not."

Another answer that didn't tell me anything. No clues. I was growing kind of tired. I didn't have appetite but I knew that I needed tea. 

"Nadia… I don't really feel like eating right now, but I would like to get some tea."

My love smiled again. 

"As much as I would like you to regain your energy by eating, it's okay if you don't want to right now, dear. Which type of tea?"

"Usually I would just get lapsang souchong as Asra does, but I am feeling daring. I didn't have a creeping honeyrose in years and I have forgotten how it tastes. If that won't be a problem, of course."

Nadia's smile almost disappeared when I added that last sentence. Have I done something wrong? Hurt her by saying that? I like to see her smiling. I just don't want to be a burden. 

The tears suddenly welled in my eyes for no outward reason, threatening to be spilled. I almost made myself cry again. I didn't want to cry like that, I would rather those tears be spilled when I am happy. 

Nadia called one of her servants. I missed Portia but it was good she was sailing the sea with Nahara. Soon after a small packet and a teapot with hot water were brought in. I smelled the packet and it reminded me of something, nothing more than a fleeting feeling but enough to send shiver down my spine.

"Nadia, do you want to see the way it blooms?!"

I was a bit excited. I remember liking all types of blooming teas in the past. The visual effect adds to the taste. Every tea is unique.

"Of course, my dear. I am kind of surprised a tea so peculiar would be your usual one, but getting a blooming tea means you're feeling daring. I guess every day I learn something new about you."

She blushed. I liked seeing her like that. She could be cute if she wanted too.

I put a packet into the boiling water and the plant unfurled its leaves and petals. A sweet smell filled the room. Nadia was looking at the flower intently as it unfurled fully, signalling the end of the brewing.

"I can be full of surprises too, not only your best friend is capable of that. Beautiful, isn't it? Would you like some?" I poured some into my cup.

"No, but thank you for an offer." Nadia stood up. 

I filled my teacup with some more tea.

"I have an idea for writing. Have you ended rereading the things I have written or…?"

"I have but I think I won't give the notebook back to you yet. You have to eat something first."

Impasse. I don't like eating and would skip it entirely if it was possible. Especially now. I always have my head and repetition until I remember. But then how will I show Nadi a possibility of me wanting to be tied up and nowhere to go? How will she know that I want to be teased mercilessly until I cry, unable to move my body, my hands safely shackled above my head or behind my back? How will she know I want her to trace the constellations in whatever has happened to my back. 

I burned my tongue when I took the first sip. I drank it fast and it also burnt my throat. Curse me and inappropriate thoughts. I sighed and put on a mask of indifference while silently savouring the pain.

"Nadia, why are you doing this to me?"

"I am not doing anything."

"I don't want to be treated like that."

"Then love, could you be more specific about the way you want to be treated? You need to be precise with saying what you want."

I really just wanted to go back to work. To how it was before. Was this a fever dream? It felt like it was. I drank the rest of the tea and put a pillow over my head. 

"I am getting a nap. I want to know if this all is just my head being weird because of a fever or anything. If I don't wake up earlier, wake me up in the morning. And uh, if you'd like to, you can lay down next to me."

When I fell asleep, I soon felt Nadia getting into bed. Why did I even sleep so much? I know that after stressful situation when it's safe I have collapsed many times, but never to the point of waking only once, for a short time, in the afternoon, with Nadia messing with me. Not even after the Devil ordeal. 

My dreams were violent. I woke up at the crack of dawn with a gasp. I have soon forgotten what happened there. I did not want to remember nightmares, but something dark was still tugging at my senses. And I was not trying to calm myself on my own again. Not when I know I have slept through a whole day. 

"Nadia…" I whispered. "Nadia." I touched her arm to wake her up. I saw my hands still trembling. 

"Hmm…" She looked beautiful with her hair in disarray, but that didn't stop me feeling awful after something that has left my memory already.

"Can you, please, give me a hug? I had a nightmare."

Nadia moved closer to me and I laid down in her arms. She smelled faintly of lavender. And she was real and alive. She was human. I felt myself calming down but again, thoughts were racing through my head. 

I felt faint but this was too early for breakfast. I guess feeling weak near Nadia wasn't bad. 

Was she annoyed with my indecision? I can decide for myself, I just don't like asking others and feeling like a burden. I don't like thinking in words about what I want because I have been swatting that down for years. A habit becoming a personality.

And even in Nadia's bed… I can't stop my old habits of swatting down whims. Stopping myself from doing the little things that make me curious about them. The little things I would love to do but it requires another person.

She was a countess. Where in the whole Vesuvia would I be more significant than by her side? That thought terrified me. I was just a magician. Nothing more. And now Nadia calmed me from that nightmare.

Maybe I haven't forgotten it yet? 

My eyes stayed open as I dived into the loose strands of the nightmare that were caught in-between realms.

I gazed upon their darkness and saw… 

No. No, no, nonononono. 

We were in the Devil’s realm and I once again saw Nadia, but she was shaking, shivering. She didn't trust anyone. She didn't trust me. And she was trembling in pain. I was stopped by hand with talons.

I knew that nightmare. It ended in various ways at different times. Sometimes I almost died. Sometimes I lost her. Sometimes it ended in something else… 

I touched my neck again. There wasn’t anything there, not a collar the dream version of her gave me, no long hands of the Devil and... And my hand was swatted away not much later so not my hand either. I got back on earth after that. I thought I would look pretty good with something around my neck though. Especially if she would give something like that to me. 

“... not possessive, tries to make us equals and I still want to be lesser. Not gonna ask her…” I mumbled. “Notebook, after nightmare, that something else.” 

I didn’t fall asleep again. I was lost in my thoughts, a lot of ideas in my head.

It was getting brighter. Nadia fell asleep hugging me. She was the prettiest woman I have ever seen. And I really appreciated the hug. When the sun was beginning to get up, some of the sunlight fell on Nadia's face and she woke up, still holding me in her arms.

"Did you sleep well, Nadi?"

"Almost the best I could. Is everything alright now?"

"When it comes to the nightmare, it gave me some writing ideas. Scared me a little, reminded of something else. But, uh, you said you would not give me the notebook before I eat something."

"I don't guarantee giving it to you because I think you are using it to not tell me about something. And I like when you are direct."

The thing is… I don't like that. I don't like being direct because then if I accidentally ask for too much… I am going to be disappointed and will have an eternal internal argument.

"This one will be just a little bit of vent, I need to collect my thoughts around today's nightmare."

"Why don't you just tell me about it?"

"That meeting with the Devil still hasn't left me. It still haunts me. What if you sent away your sisters and Portia? What if you stopped trusting people? The Devil has forced those into my head. I… I don't know the ending that was meant to be today in the dream, there were many of them. Me almost dying? You getting a pact? Something else that I may or may not like more than I want to?"

"Would you tell me about that 'something else'?" Nadia smirked. I didn't know she was capable of doing so.

"Not before I eat something. It deeply embarrasses me that I liked it happening to me in the dream. But I can't control my dreams. And that uh, I wouldn't mind that happening someday."

"So what do you want to eat?"

"Do you have any ideas?"

"None, my love." Nadia kissed my temple. We disentangled ourselves, but still were close.

"I'd like to eat an omelette. If there are eggs, of course. I know a good recipe and taught cooks how to make it."

"Oh?" Nadia was clearly curious.

"It's quite sweet and might not be to your tastes. I always make way too much batter and try to pour it in one go. I could get two omelettes from that amount, but no, I never learn and make a mess when flipping."

I let out a self-deprecating laugh. 

"I'd like to taste it." Nadia smiled lovingly. "It's probably good."

"One of my favourite foods. I learnt how to make it after reading a fiction book because I got curious. Turns out, I like it! When I was testing the recipe, Asra said it was his fourth favourite food, after such, uh, delicacies as blue-tongued skink and blue raspberries."

“What was the third?” Nadia asked.

“I never asked because Asra sometimes eats things not meant to be eaten at all. It could also be something outlandish again. Probably the first.”

Nadia asked a servant by the door to bring the omelettes for us both. 

"We will both learn something new today then." Nadia came back to our shared bed. "I'd love to spoil you. But I don't know how if you never tell me about things you like or want to do. I want you to be happy." 

"Others being happy makes me happy. I… I never learned a lot about what brings me specifically happiness. And being around you, Nadia…"

I wanted to say more but… I stopped because omelettes were brought in by Hestion.

Nadia tasted the omelette slowly and I saw her contentment.

"Being around you is something that I could not have ever imagined before. It's almost unreal that I can sit next to you now." I blushed. "Not that I don't want to."

I ate my first omelette quicky. Nadia was quiet the whole time. 

"Nadia?"

"Hmm?" 

She looked at me.

"What happened when I was asleep yesterday?"

She swallowed a bit of an omelette.

"You were indeed having a fever. And I noticed you had some… bruises, which concerned me. They weren’t those small ‘oh, I accidentally walked into a lamp’ ones, but… Is someone hurting you, my dear?”

"I just bruise easily. Don’t worry." 

I shrugged. Lying by omission again. I bruise easily when overstressed. When everything just seems to fall from my hands. When she is distant in my dreams just as I am in the waking world because of being overworked. I was not worthy of anyone worrying about me. My face itched again and I got a bite of the second omelette. I wanted to scratch but Nadia was sitting here. Observing me. I ended the second omelette slowly. 

" I will still do so. Your back has many small scars. And on your neck there is a thin line, slightly wobbly, origins of both intrigue me.”

"Mistress Nadia, why are you looking at my body like that, huh? Wanting to know every little detail. I am not a bug to be put in a jar and then when time comes to be dissected, am I?"

I was fake-offended. But has one of my dreams accidentally gotten true? Did she? Didn't she? She saw my back, did she indulge in tracing over my stars there? Did she scratch me there? But what if she felt… Repulsed by it? 

"Well, first of all, you fell asleep in work clothes, which are very uncomfortable to sleep in. I wanted to get you changed from them, and I didn't want anyone else seeing you."

"Fair." I nodded.

"Second of all, I am your… I guess… girlfriend? Life partner? Paramour? I have seen your body before in various stages of undressing. I see your chest more than your back so I have never noticed that earlier."

"Okay."

"And lastly, I was worried about you when I saw you with your notebook open near your head. It looked cute, but could also mean you fainted while doing something."

"I just fell asleep. Can I get my notebook back now?"

"Not yet. Not until you tell me what that 'something else' was that you liked."

Nadia ended her omelette and put platters on a tray. 

"We have two days almost alone." She whispered. “We have time if you want that to happen.”

"Ah, it's… it's embarrassing? The things from there." 

"We all have our embarrassments."

"I don't want to make you uncomfortable." 

I was blushing, remembering everything I wanted to write down. 

"You won't."

"I… Can I kiss you?" 

She nodded and our lips connected. My lips were obviously on top. When she stopped I was basically red in the face. 

"Nadia… When you held my wrists there to keep me from scratching my face, I imagined you tying them down to a bedpost. Making me unable to move, fully at your mercy. And I was dizzy from stress that day so I was a bit surprised at myself reacting like that. Usually my mind would not jump there."

Nadia smiled. 

"So that's what flustered you so much! But I don't think it's the only thing, is it? Take your time."

“Nadi, I… Nadia…” I felt myself locking down again. “If I could write it down it would be easier.”

“You can’t always use notebooks.”

“Not if you take them. Nadi, do you remember our ‘meeting’ with the Devil?”

“What about it?”

"I have a weird sensory thing since that. Sometimes my neck feels as if it needs something on it. Especially one of the arteries is screaming at me. No scratches there. The scratch is from before I met Asra and doesn't mean anything."

Nadia hummed.

“That’s why my hands are often there. It just hurts to not have anything there sometimes. I know how it looks like, but I am completely safe doing that.”

“And it isn’t the thing that you were so embarrassed about. You spoke about that even more freely than about your imagination running wild when I was holding your wrists. Probably Julian has already known it and you both don't talk much.”

“I am telling you things.”

“Not those I want to hear. You’re stalling. Is that something you’d like to relive in real life or is it too dangerous?”

“Not too dangerous. You just probably would not like it.”

“Are you able to tell me more now or should I wait? I see that you are straining.”

“Later.” I sighed. “Nadia…”

“I am listening, dear?”

“I love you so much.” 

“Aww, I love you too.”

“Stay, please."

"I will come back soon."

I was sitting in bed, my robe showing way more skin that was comfortable. But I was in bed. Only Nadi was seeing me.

What I was so stressed about earlier? I know that court matters and all weren't easy. My head was fuzzy. Why was it like that? What happened?

Nadia came back.

"Nadi." 

I wasn't thinking clearly. Was this a hex? Was I still ill?

"What's going on, dear?"

"My thoughts are a mess now, so I am sorry if I get incoherent. I don't know whether your plans are just me staying in bed, getting my energy back or anything else, and whether you have any plans. I want to go outside, no rush if you want me to stay here. I, ah. I… If we go somewhere else, even for a moment, I could maybe get some fresh air and think a little bit clearer. My muscles hurt wherever I have bruises from bumping into things, but…" The train of thought stopped. "Nevermind. I want to get some sun."

"Can be done. Do you think you are able to walk around on your own?"

"Always, my Queen." 

I stood up, bowed while exaggerating every little move to make her laugh, walked for a while, flailed a little bit, then was stable for another length of a room.

"Can we hold hands?" I requested, blushing.

"Of course."

We walked into a garden. When we were near the fountain, I splashed Nadi with water. And thus commenced a little fight. She won. She always wins and I wish she would have put me in my place right there and then. I was again surprised at myself. I was not going to ask her about that though. I liked being a little cooled down by the water, but soon had a lot less energy and felt very cold. I dried both mine and Nadia’s clothes, but I was still freezing cold.

When we were walking back, she put her hand on my waist and guided me back into the room. She basically stopped me from running away to do my own thing. Of course I still tried to. I always tried to run away if someone wanted me to do anything. Doesn’t mean I have never done the thing, that’s why emphasis is on tried.

"I love the small displays of control over me. It's blink-and-you-miss-it but it drives me crazy. You could point to the floor and…" I gulped when I realised I was speaking. We both sat on bed. "I… I don't want to be weak, not anywhere that. But by your side it feels overwhelmingly good, Nadi."

"Interesting. I saw your reactions and what you are doing but never truly made a note of them. And now you are here…" She had that little smile and a mischievous glint in her eye, just as when she first pinned me into a wall and kissed.

"Nadia, could you please…" I muttered. My face was red. 

"Could I do what? You have to be clear."

"If you would like to… Could you kiss me again? Take away my breath. Play with my hair if you want to."

"Oh, I would very much like to."

She kissed me deeply and for longer this time. She moved to be slightly above me, straddling my hips in the process. And indeed, her hands found their way into my hair. I was a putty under her hands. She scratched my scalp gently, tugged at the strands. I stifled a gasp when she grasped one of them tighter. It was divine.

“Would you like something to eat? I am almost sure you’d forget about lunch. And I saw you trembling earlier.”

I fell quiet, not being able to pick not knowing the options. Something like a soup would be okay, but what about her? If we got the same thing it would be easier for cooks. 

“Um, Nadi, what would you get?”

“I know what I want already but I want you to pick something independently.”

I didn’t want to inconvenience Hestion but I had no other option. 

“Uh, I wanted some soup. To make me warm. Maybe something more on the spicy side?”

“Do you have any ideas for that?”

“I don’t know if the cooks have a recipe for that, but I think Gulyásleves would be good.”

“Oh? I don’t know what that is.”

“It’s a type of a soup, eaten warm. It has meat, ground paprika, a lot of veggies including sweet corn, sometimes some tomatoes, fresh paprika and rarely peas, I have always omitted the last one. It’s pretty spicy for people who are not used to it. I sometimes added wine if I had some, the taste is slightly different after all the alcohol evaporates. Unfortunately, preparation time is quite long and it would be ready later on. But I love it.”

“I should probably try it out. I am curious.”

“You can have some of mine later on.”

“And for now?”

“I could eat some cold cut sandwiches.”

“They are cold. Is that alright? You were shivering.”

“Love, I know various ways to get warmed up.” I waggled my eyebrows pretending I was seductive and made Nadia laugh. Good. She had a nice laugh.

“Maybe after we eat.”

Soon, the food was here and something peck at the window. Nadi let her owl in, gave her a letter, scratched her, gave her a treat and let her out.

After we ate, we went back to our make-out session, after which Nadia let me put my head in her lap and she played with my hair. It felt so nice, her hands moving up and down, touching every strand. She didn’t talk and I didn’t feel a need to do so either. I was moving slightly as to not fall asleep on her lap. I could not describe in words how it made me feel. 

I wanted to kiss her though, so I made sure to sit up carefully. And then our lips met. Her hands were back to tracing the outline of my arms, the very ticklish sides of my body, to touching my chin. She sucked on my bottom lip and I made an unholy noise. 

"You said you scratch yourself when excited. I would like to make you stop doing exactly that now. Not a long-term solution, but shall suffice just now." She said when she stopped the kiss. "Are you ready to go a lot further than kissing now, or should I wait and kiss you some more?"

"I am ready. Please. And going further doesn't necessarily stop us from kissing. Or you playing with my hair.

She stood up and got something from under the bed. She put a rope in my lap.

"You didn't." My eyes widened. "Do you really want to go through with that?"

"I just did and yes. What else do we want?" She got a box from under the bed. "Something for your neck? To replace your fingers there because you have scratched yourself already. 

"Uh… Only if you want to. I don't want to do anything you don't. I would like a blindfold. I love looking at you, but I…"

"Ooh, you have ideas. I am listening. Be as bold as you like with what you want me to do."

"Do you have a feather? I hate" I emphasized this word "being tickled and I think with my hands tied up it would be even worse. Tease me until I cry. You can also, uh, punish me with words."

"I think compliments would be worse for you to endure so no to the last ones. But other ones I can do."

"Would the collar really be okay?" I saw her getting one. "That was the part that made me worry the worst before, you don't seem like the type of a lady that…"

She put a finger on my lips.

"It's okay. Say, was it a part of that 'something else'?"

"Yes."

She gave me the blindfold and I didn't put it yet.

"Do you want me to put a collar on your neck now?"

"Maybe not now. It may seem to me as if I'd like it but I don't feel ready. At all. Please touch my neck with the feather though. It will make me squirm. Also if I say 'stop', please stop doing whatever you were doing.”

"Don't worry dear. I don't plan hurting you.”

“Never? Aww, that’s a shame.”

“Not unless you ask.” She winked. I wanted to look at her. I just didn't want to know where a feather was tickling me. 

Then she took out the torture device. I didn't want to ask where it came from. It was brightly coloured, but I didn’t see it that clearly. I made a mental note to look at it later.

The top part of my clothing was undone before nimble hands got the softest rope I have ever seen and tied my wrists beautifully. Well, I didn't see that, but knowing Nadi, it probably was. I didn't feel any discomfort. She kissed my lips. 

"What else was in that dream?"

"You… I… You know that I am kinda a masochist. I don't like too much pain, but I like a fair share of it."

"Are you ready for me to blindfold you now?"

"Yes."

The smooth fabric covered my eyes so that not even a speck of light was going through. A good work of artifice, perfect for its use.

"Speak more about the dream, don't stop yourself, dear." I heard a soft rustle. 

"You were merged with Devil Arcana. I was sitting on the floor between your legs, back to you." The feather moved across my ribs and I hissed. "You have seen my back. I like each and every scar there. They look like stars and, uh, your Devil form played "connect the dots" by scratching my body there quite deeply so that it burned while healing as if nothing happened."

Another surprise. Soft touches made me gasp.

She moved. The sheets rustled. She was sitting somewhere near my knees now. 

"Go on. I am listening."

"It's weird talking to someone who is not visible."

"About what I did in your dreams. And if you don't behave… you know what will happen."

"Both of those seem delightful. What to pick? What to pick?"

She touched the feather to the underside of my knees. I whined. 

Nadi chuckled.

"I know your weak spots. I know where you want to be caressed. If you let yourself speak, it will be less like a prolonged torture. If you just told me about that, you could always imagine that as if it was really happening."

"Na-" she moved the feather across my ribs again. "Nadi!"

"What, my dearest?" I heard a smile in her voice.

"Please…!"

"What do you want? This?" She tickled the inside of my calf.

"Nadi…!" She then reached out and touched my collarbone lightly. I made an unholy sound when it happened.

"Are you willing to speak?"

"Ye-" my breath has stopped when she touched my side with feather. "Yes, Nadi. You collared me there, in my dream. I was like your pet, at your feet, ready to be toyed with. I know you might have not wanted it, you have tried to make me feel equal to you, be equal, so I didn’t mention it earlier. But it felt so good, so vivid at times there. I loved it, it made me feel dazed, and hot, and I felt a bit guilty of that because that wasn’t ‘the real you’, and..."

"The words aren’t going anywhere. take a breath, dear. Fantasies and dreams tend to be that, fantasies and dreams. If you don't want to, we don't have to do the things you imagined. You are already so good. You are making me happy with telling what you dream of, what you think about. You are perfect."

"Uh, not perfect." I mumbled. Her compliments were making the hidden side of me, the side that believed I don't deserve compliments or anything good act up. It tried to negate the compliments. A tug-of war between it and Nadi’s compliments commenced, but Nadi was winning.

"You are a beauty. I really like how you blush now. All red in the cheeks, in the arms. That's cute. There is no one else like you. And you are doing so well already. Why not continue?"

So I did.

"Um, so… Uh… the dream version of you was… she was still so loving like you are. She was not getting angry with me. She hurt me only when I asked, just as you told me earlier. Maybe I had a foresight in that matter?"

"You are doing so well. You are so good." My breath hitched. I felt my hands trembling slightly. "Do you have to take a break, love, or are you ready to continue?"

“Ready, but might need some water later. Uh, other than t-” I hissed, a feather touching the inside of my knee again.

“My hand slipped.”

“‘course it did.” I grumbled.

“Was this an attitude? Towards me?” Nadia sounded delighted.

“Why not? You interrupted me. Not going to tell you anything now.” I laughed, knowing fully I was at her mercy, unable to do anything. 

“So be it.”

And so Nadia was tickling me in the worst places. The ankles. Insides of calves. Thighs.

I squirmed and gasped, and cried her name out. I felt tears streaming down my cheeks. Never once told her to slow down or stop. 

There was a moment without tickling, the anticipation worse and worse with every passing moment. 

Then she came back to tickling me on the ribs. She did not relent. When she saw my tears, she moved to the points she knew were the worst.

My voice was getting hoarse, I was saying her name over and over as if it was a mantra. I lost my internal clock completely, every touch feeling both like a little while and hours. 

The collarbone was a weak point she discovered when kissing me. Her hair tickled me there once and I let out an unholy sound. And she made it clear that she noticed it by teasing me about that whenever she pleased.

“Nadi- ah- could you please slow down? Sorry to interrupt.”

“You don’t have to be sorry for anything here. What happened?”

“Could we please take a short break now? I was not prepared to be speaking this much. Or screaming, for that matter. Nor for everything to take that turn. I need something to drink"

She took off my blindfold. I had my eyes closed still. When I opened them, Nadia was looking at me. 

"Anything else? I will need to untie you temporarily because I have to go outside of the room. Then I will make everything a bit tighter, because I am sure you could slip out your left hand out now."

"Just something to drink, please."

She has undone the knots quickly and went out. 

My wrists, although held tightly beforehand, didn't even look as if they'd been tied up. I swiped the tears out of my face. Crying like that was good. I reached for the silky rope and played around with it. It was extremely soft but sturdy. I felt a small amount of magic in it. Another great object of artifice. Whoever was making those definitely knew what they were doing.

I let the rope lay where it was earlier and began to study the feather.

It was bright, pearlescent. There was no magic from it whatsoever. It was also pretty long, almost like two of my palms in length. A bit curved, saber-like. 

Nadia came into the room. She brought water and tea.

“Do you like the feather?”

“It’s beautiful. I hated it on my collarbone. You have also accidentally found another of my weak points.”

“Ear?”

“Not gonna tell you anything.” I smiled. She gave me the water. “You ready to resume?”

“Whenever you are. And I will get what you dream of out of you. Don’t you worry.”

“Don’t you need anything?” 

“Maybe after we end today… Or tomorrow…”

“I am asking seriously, Nadia.”

“And I am answering seriously. Thank you for caring about me, I will just need some cuddles afterwards.” We kissed after looking at each other’s lips.

I put down my glass of water.

“I am ready now. Uh, I have a request.”

“What, my dear?”

“Please tie my ankles too. I think there were quite a few close calls when I squirmed. I don’t want to hurt you.”

“Will do. Thanks for telling me that.”

I was still a bit teary-eyed from all the tickling. She worked her magic and tied me up so that she had an access almost anywhere. She didn’t put my blindfold back on.

“What do you think about other punishments?” She asked me and I sputtered. “I just think some of them would be better at eliciting the more… interesting responses from you.”

“Not going to tell you anything.”

“Ah, so you are playing like that.” She had that blush that always meant she was up to absolutely no good. “Blindfold back on?”

“Yes, please.” It was dark again. I slipped into the same state of every other sense going into overdrive. 

“Do you want to go back to me using feather?”

“Please, Nadia, it felt so good.”

“It wasn’t a very good torture then. Should I just leave you there, blindfolded, unable to move until you tell me something else? You will be just resting here, safely tied up.”

“Nadi…”

“It sounds good for me, but I want your opinion about it. You have shown quite an attitude earlier. Your input will be valued immensely, dear.” She touched me behind my ear and I gasped. 

“I already told you. You won’t get anything new out of me.”

“I can try. And you can try resisting, but I am almost sure you will be begging me in the end, for one reason or another. If you give in, there will be a reward.”

Oh, if it didn’t get me back into the right mood at that moment. I let a shiver run through my body.

“You like it, huh? You’re so beautiful here, I am unable to take my eyes off of you. A real masterpiece. And soon mine fully.” She touched my collarbone, behind my ear and the tip of my nose. “You are so perfect here, unable to move.”

Her fingers traced shapes. Light touches were not quite tickling anymore, but still were good. She stopped and I whined.

I heard soft footsteps.

“Still not going to tell me anything, my dear?”

“Not a word, Nadi.”

“You know you can speak, right? I am not stopping you. I like your voice, especially when I hear delight in it or when you are saying my name. It’s perfect.” She moved one of her hands to caress my cheek. “You’re so cute, so precious…”

I gasped.

Then I felt the familiar dull ache in my neck. Unable to do anything else, I squirmed.

“My love, did something happen?” Nadia asked me.

“This is unfair, I didn’t want to start begging for anything that early. You know about that phantom feeling?”

“What about it?”

“Always the worst moments.” I groaned.

“How do you want me to remedy it?”

“Nadi... Anh… I don’t know.” A tear rolled down my cheek. ”Please, do something, anything. I need something on my neck. Ah! Put a scarf on my neck, it will make it worse. Nadi… Nadia-ah!” I moved around, the feeling being a torture in and of itself. I heard my heartbeat in my ears. “Nadia! Nadi!”

“What about that collar, dear?”

“Never worn that and I don’t trust myself.” I hissed through clenched teeth. “If you want to cut my torture though… put your hand there, not enough to choke me. Don’t choke me, no matter what.”

She put her hand there. The feeling immediately subsided and I felt weak there.

“I can feel your heartbeat.”

“Nadia… Ahhh…” I gasped many times as her fingers tickled me there. I left an easy access for her there as much as I could, not trying to hide my neck or my collarbone. It was hard, but meant that she would be able to make me feel good. “Nadi, Nadi…”

My breathing was labored. I tried to grasp at something, I curled my toes.

“I guess you will do everything now for more of that pleasure, my dear? You look beautiful with your hair messy like that. Enjoying yourself.”

“Yes, Nadi. Everything for you.”

She touched behind my neck.

“Tell me more about that ‘something else’ then.”

“Not a word. You have to torture me some more.” I snapped to being slightly more lucid.

“Oh, that’s how you are playing, dear.”

Her hand on my neck felt good, soothing the ache slightly, but soon I felt its lack and a slightly scratchy piece of fabric tied around my neck. It felt good and awful, and all colours and feelings in-between. She reached for the feather and was merciless. 

I was repeating her name again, over and over. It was too much in the best sense and again, I lost all sense of time and space.

She was relentless. 

“Nadia, p- please…”

“What is going on, my dear?”

“I just can’t endure it. Slow down or take off the thing on my neck. Please. I’ll tell you.”

“When I get rid of the scarf, I am going back to tickling you with my hands.”

“Nadi, please, continue with something. I can’t…”

“From too much to too little? Just relax here, dear.”

I heard her soft footsteps and still felt a dull ache in my neck. She put her hand where it hurt the most and it felt better. 

“You promised you would tell me.”

She came back to tickling and caressing my skin. 

“Ah. Right. Um. Whips until my back was red as I was tied up. Being called a pet, having a collar.”

Her hands were still caressing my weak points. 

“I am listening, my dear.”

“Ahh… I… Cold then hot, repeatedly. Your version in my dreams was kissing me passionately a lot. Biting, spanking, leaving marks that never showed up after waking up. My thighs were full of them in my dreams. But always, the biggest one was drawing constellations on my back. I like the starry sky there. Nadi?”

“What, my dear?”

“I think you can take off your hand off my neck if you want to.”

“And what if I don’t want to?” She traced her fingernail above my jugular vein.

“I can‘t stop you. I don’t want to stop you. I am yours, Nadia. Only yours.”

“I will let it stay there then. I love your reactions, sweetie.”

She tickled me again, savouring my responses to each and every of her touches.

“Nadi, Nadi, Nadi!” She found another sensitive spot, just where my collarbone met my arm. She made sure to stay there for a while before moving anywhere else. “Nadi, please.”

“What are you asking for, my dearest?”

“Nadi… I… Can I kiss you?”

She leaned in. As much as I hated seeing those type of kisses anywhere, it felt divine when she has done it. She caressed my face as she was kissing me, all at her mercy. 

“You are so good. You told me about everything, you are perfect now. You have done so well.” She praised me and I didn’t feel any less embarrassed about that than earlier but at least the urge to deny them was not there.

I let a moan erupt from my lips as she kissed that weak spot where my arm met my neck. My head was blissfully empty now, I had nothing to say anymore. Nadia’s touches and words were more than I could endure after giving in completely. I felt lightheaded.

What felt like only moments after, I opened my eyes, hands untied, blindfold off, my head in her lap as she was playing with my hair.

“Oh, you woke up. I am really sorry I went overboard.”

I couldn’t say anything yet but I felt warm and slightly groggy.

“You passed out. And I got scared. You should have told me.”

“... Alright.” I said. 

“How are you now? Does anything hurt?”

“...Sleepy. Tired. No hurt.”

“Is it alright that I am playing with your hair now?”

“More than. I like it.” I yawned. ”You wanted cuddles.”

“Do you want anything else?”

“Water. Was some left. How’s the time?” I sat up and reached for that glass. “Sorry for worrying you. And, uh… For that attack, although I am not controlling that. I didn’t want to put you in that place.”

“It was alright. And the soup should be ready soon, you weren’t out for long.”

“My face is itchy now. Can you please hold my wrists so I don’t touch it?” I felt ashamed for asking her that.

She has tried catching both of my wrists in her hand at once but failed.

“Where exactly is it itching?”

“Left side, mainly. Where my head was on your robe.”

“Do you know any magical remedies for that?” She asked.

“I know more spells how to cause it than how to stop it.” I was still groggy. “But you can kiss it to make it better after I wash the sweat and tears off my face.”

“I have already done that earlier. So I can kiss you now.” She turned towards me and peppered almost all of the left side of my face in kisses. She also added a few on my fading scars on my face. “Perfect.”

“You are too. I love you.”

“Do you want more of what we did today tomorrow or do you just want to regain energy?”

“As much as I’d hate to stay in bed all day out of the sense of urgency, I think we could, uh, frolic in bed again. We could even go further than today. if you are not against, but for that we need to talk about that more beforehand, but still no touching downstairs or on, uh, the upper part of my chest excluding all my weak spots.”

“I can work with that.”

“And I’ll take what you give me, Nadi.” I smiled. 

“You sound like someone I know. Are you in the mood to drink that tea you got yesterday and then do something you would not usually expect of me? I have a story to tell.” She winked. “Of course after we eat that soup.

“Always.”